An open letter to Mona Scott-Young...

Dear Mona,

Let me first start off by saying how proud I am of you. Over the years you have not only managed some of the biggest stars in the music industry, but also created opportunities for so many people. I first heard of you while in high school when I was an avid watcher of "The Road to Stardom with Missy Elliott." That was my show! Whatever happened to Jessica? She was so talented… I forgot what prize the contestants were promised if they won the show, but she sure did not catapult to success like I imagined she would.  

I'm not certain, but I think that show with Missy Elliott marked the beginning of your work in reality television. I remember being inspired after watching a bunch of real people who were all striving to reach their goals. I also remember watching you, along with a team of talented music industry professionals, help these real people by offering them guidance and tips for success. It's unfortunate that that show wasn't renewed for a second season.

Over the years the reality television game has changed and these days a show like "The Road to Stardom" would never make it to a major network especially since it focused solely on the R&B/Hip Hop genres. Since there are enough singing competitions on air, you developed another plan for a reality television show. A show that would become the guilty pleasure for so many people… "Love & Hip Hop."

Nobody wants to see positivity anymore at least not when it comes to urban communities. And people are obsessed with what goes on in the personal lives of celebrities. It seems like you have developed the perfect formula since "Love & Hip Hop" combines washed up rappers, pseudo-celebrities and the folks that associate with them with the perfect amount of conflict. Sprinkle in some sex every now and then and you’ve got a hit.

I must admit, I am not a fan of the "Love & Hip Hop" series but I have watched an episode or six. I frequently see clips that others post on their blogs and I’m usually intrigued. Most recently I saw a scene from the episode when Rich referenced his “backsliding indiscretions” with Erica, the cast member who apparently had sex with Rich’s female ex. I was so confused. Not only was I confused, but I worried about who else could be watching the ratchtivity. Whose kids are being influenced and inspired just as I was when I watched "The Road to Stardom" years ago? Granted, you may say that this show isn't intended for a young audience but I know that you know they’re watching.

Your company, Monami Entertainment, is flourishing these days. Indeed, it is good to be you. Your net worth probably increases daily. I’m sure you profit from the spinoffs and opportunities that current and former "Love & Hip Hop" cast members acquire. I admire your tenacity and I love to see when hard work pays off, but quite 

frankly, I’m tired of the big booty having, lunch going all the dang time, confrontational female characters on reality shows. 

I always wondered how and why cast members have time to “meet up” or “go out to lunch” with people they clearly don’t like. I also wonder when producers will stop insulting the intelligence of viewers. It’s clear that most of these luncheons and outings are staged. I recall you defending the actual reality of "Love & Hip Hop" and saying something along the lines of “this is their reality, we just capture it.” That may be true but oftentimes their “reality” is expanded upon and exploited for ratings. 

I've sat back and witnessed numerous head shake-worthy incidents made popular on "Love & Hip Hop." First it was Jim Jones’ fiancée hopping over couches in an attempt to fight another woman, and then there was the Jocelyn and Stevie J abortion situation along with the fight with Lil’ Scrappy, now there's Rich bragging about "backsliding" with a woman he's not even in a relationship with. When does it stop? When will you and your team opt not to use fancy filters on your cameras to make foolishness look like a soap opera?

It is my hope that you and producers of reality shows start challenging yourselves and the heads of networks. It’s clear that once you have one successful reality show, it’s much easier for you to get others on air. It’d be great if for your next show, you thought outside the box. Instead of placing a group of fashionable, conflicting women in a cast how about changing things up a bit? Go back to your reality TV roots and find a way to change the lives of your cast members, not exploit them. Close but no cigar on The Gossip Game show… I haven’t watched it yet, but I just know…  

Sincerely,

Alexandria B.

It’s official, I suck at having a blog. I have yet to have a consistent schedule in terms of posting on this thing and I get inspiration to write at the most random times. It’s currently 12:30am and I’m supposed to be asleep since I have work in the morning, but I can’t sleep. I have so much to share with you and so have no idea how I plan to structure these thoughts of mine so just work with me…

For starters, I just made a big move. Last month I relocated to Houston, TX after getting a new job. Yay!!! I know, it’s exciting... It all happened so fast and I practically started my life over. Getting rid of all my furniture and leaving my family and friends in Los Angeles was no easy task. You have no idea how attached you are to things and people until it’s time to leave them. I’d like to blame my lack of posts on this recent change in my life…. I’ve been beyond busy as one may assume, but I’m back blogging and I appreciate your patience.

Enough about me, I have a pressing issue to address. I’ve been motivated to write an inspirational post about “following your dreams” and not giving up for the longest, but I hesitated because I didn’t want to sound preachy. I had certain thoughts to share, but didn’t think they were enough to fill an entire post with. Boy, was I wrong… I attended church this past weekend and the pastor spoke directly to me (and seemingly everyone else in the building). His message was a direct question: “Why settle for less when God has more?“


How many times have you settled in your life? Are you doing it right now? Hate your job? Wanna go back to school? Are you in a dysfunctional relationship that you probably should have ended years ago? Whatever the case may be, we’ve all settled at some point. Oftentimes we’re content with just getting by as opposed to trying our best to achieve more. I’ve definitely been guilty of this. But why?

Achieving more usually requires more time and effort. Getting in shape involves working out, but that’s tough so some will continuously put off the task. Why spend time applying to jobs and perfecting your resume when you already have a job that pays your bills? Some people desire instant gratification so settling is an attractive alternative. It is no longer attractive to me though. Over the past few months, I’ve read numerous stories about people dying at young ages and most recently it hit close to home.

Miyagi Chilombo, a young man that I went to high school with died last week due to a cancerous brain tumor. He had just turned 26. When I heard the news, I was shocked. All I could think about was how funny and full-of-life he was. He was so young and had so much more to accomplish. You and I could easily be in his shoes and as we often hear, tomorrow is not promised. Why live as if it is?

This post is getting long and writing about is making me a bit sad so I’ll get to the point. I have three simple tips that I hope will inspire you. Set goals and work toward them. If you spend the majority of your time doing unproductive things, consider making some changes. Take risks and don’t be afraid of failure. Instead of thinking about how things will be if you don’t succeed, think of how great they’ll be if you do. I challenge you to write a list of goals, both short and long term. In fact, I encourage you to write lists frequently. They definitely help keep my life on track… Lastly, live on purpose and with a purpose. Everything you do should have a reason and will hopefully link back to one of those goals you previously wrote down.

Feel free to share some of your goals with me if you don’t mind, I’d love to hear about them. I appreciate you taking the time to read my blog and I'll make an effort to update it more. In the meantime, feel free to follow me on instagram @whatalexsees because I use that much more frequently.


Alexandria B.

Are your standards too high?

Do you have a specific type? Do you refuse to settle until you find that perfect mate? If your answers to these questions are "yes" then you and I have something in common. A friend of mine recently told me that I'm destined to be single forever because my list of dealbreakers is too long. How rude! I believe that there's someone for everyone and that settling is not an option. Well, at least it isn't for me. Yes, I have a lengthy list of dealbreakers but  I'd rather refer to them as the items that shape my standards. I believe that my standards are beyond practical. See below for my list that describes most of the qualities that I'd prefer for my mate to have:

My ideal guy...

• does not use drugs.
• has no children.
• is at least 5 inches taller than me (kinda shallow, oh well. I wear heels a lot, sue me...)
• is employed.
• is ambitious and has plans for his future.
• has a nice smile (I'm a teeth fanatic for some odd reason and I spot plaque from a mile away.)
• keeps his fingernails clean and has good hygiene overall.
• can spell.
• has a sense of humor.
• is smarter than I am (at least in some way, shape, or form).
• does not sag his pants, wear tight ones, or use the word "swag."
• knows how to use a drill, screwdriver, hammer, or fix a drain or something...

Is that too much to ask?

I think not! See? I told you my list was practical... Don't get me wrong, I'm willing to compromise on some things. For example, I've dated a guy with plaque before. It was tough, but I did it and I managed not to say anything to him about it. Needless to say, it didn't work out but I tried! Some things, however, aren't worth compromising for. I refuse to compromise in regards to drug use, weed smokers included...It's just not cool to me, point blank period. Employment is another one...  I've never been attracted to an unemployed man. Would I date one? Hmmm. Maybe if he was in graduate school or something, but that's about it. One of the reasons I'm certain my standards are sensible is because I know plenty of people whose are not. I mean some people have the most ridiculous requirements of their mates, ones that they're incapable of meeting themselves. These people should question whether or not their standards are too high!

How can you tell if your standards are too high?

For starters if you're requiring something that you yourself can't provide, that's a sure sign. Create a mental or written list of the things you're looking for in a relationship... If you don't want your mate to have kids yet you have three, perhaps you should reevaluate your list. If you drive a 1998 Toyota Corolla and live with your mother yet you want your mate to drive a luxury vehicle and have a place of their own, perhaps your should reevaluate your list. Ladies, if you want a man who at least 6'3 when you're only 5'2 then perhaps you should reevaluate your list and stop focusing on the physical attributes. Besides, short men need love too! If you collect unemployment checks and want to date someone with a "good job," perhaps you should reevaluate your list. I could come up with several more examples, but I'm sure you get my drift.

Create your list, edit it and make sure your standards are ones that you can meet, and stick to it. Tons of people are in or have been in unhappy relationships because they settled for someone who didn't quite meet their requirements. Others are in unsucessful relationships because they have no requirements at all. You'll find that perfect mate someday. And when I say perfect, I don't mean that they'll have no flaws... I'm referring to my belief that they will be perfect for you. Looking at your list, are there any items on it that you would like to share? Are your standards too high? Why or why not? Feel free to leave a comment below and let me know.

Thanks for reading,

Alexandria B.

KONY 2012

Every so often there's a current event or viral video that sparks the interest of many provoking uproar or some type of action. The other day I awoke to numerous facebook posts about the video posted below. People I knew urged others to share the video and seemed genuinely excited and motivated to take part in this new movement. One that I, of course, had to watch and see what all the fuss was about. If you haven't seen it, feel free to press play below:



Six minutes into the video, I wanted to cry for Jacob, the young Ugandan boy whose sad yet uplifting story is highlighted in the 30-minute film. It was edited perfectly, evoking both emotion and curiosity. So who's responsible for this superb video you may ask? The answer to your question is Invisible Children, a non-profit organization that claims to "use film, creativity and social action to end the use of child soldiers in Joseph Kony's rebel war and restore LRA-affected communities in central Africa to peace and prosperity." One thing's for certain, they've mastered the film and creativity part!

The organization started years ago after three filmmakers traveled to Africa for a film making adventure. They've since raised millions of dollars to fund their efforts however, like many other causes and movements, Invisible Children's #Kony2012 campaign is raising some eyebrows. With over 57 million YouTube views and God knows how many kits purchased since the film's internet debut, people are now beginning to wonder where the money they're donating is going. It has been said that only 31% of donated funds go toward helping those in Uganda and that the organization is money hungry.I must admit that when I initially watched the film I wondered what the narrator did for a living and when I realized that Invisible Children was his job I kinda gave the situation a side eye. Trips to Africa aren't cheap and neither are camera crews and equipment so I definitely understand how some of the funds donated can be used for those purposes. Instead of instantly vowing to donate "a few dollars" or buy a Kony2012 bracelet, I wanted to learn more about the cause.

I have been researching and will continue to read up on the cause and have found sites that suggest alternate organizations to donate to. My only issue is that many people allowed themselves to be drawn in by a creative marketing campaign. Yes, Jacob's story was sad and that little boy in the video was adorable, but wearing bracelets and shirts will help find Joseph Kony how? Is posting posters everywhere really going to make a difference? And what technological advancements are going to be made with this year's donations to find a man that is rumored to be dead? We should make an effort to ask questions before hopping on a bandwagon, that's all I'm saying. Kony's army has been active for over twenty years, but this is the first time many of us are hearing about it so I applaud Invisible Children for their ability to capture the hearts of many and raise awareness.

But still people are talking... While millions are in support of the cause, others wonder exactly what more money is needed for. Millions have been raised and used and the United States is apparently already involved so what's the real goal? Invisible Children has been criticized by the Better Business Bureau and rumors about most of the donations being used to fund the salaries of the three founders are spreading. YouTube has an abundance of people who are eager to express their opinions about the campaign and popular YouTuber, Jerry LaVigne, posted a humorous video to share his views.


CLICK HERE TO VIEW INVISIBLE CHILDREN'S RESPONSE TO THE GROWING NUMBER OF CRITIQUES.
What do I think?

I think this is yet another reason for people rally their energies toward a seemingly great cause without knowing very much about it. If you or anyone you know typed in your information and pledged money to Invisible Children after only seeing one video on YouTube, question your/their intelligence. If after researching the cause you found that it was still very much something you wanted to be involved in, more power to you! Rock your #Kony2012 bracelet and all that good stuff... What I don't appreciate is people who take the time to edit and share images like the one shown on the left to joke about the matter. Like seriously? Much like when people tweeted and facebooked to prevent Troy Davis' execution or rallied to support other causes that were popular in the past, I believe that the mass interest will soon fade. I hope that folks will prove me wrong.

What are your thoughts? Did you or would you pledge money to the cause? Are people being too skeptical and if there's anything else you'd like to add feel free to post it below.

Thanks for reading,

Alexandria B.

How to make a woman interested in you...

Boy meets girl, they have a decent conversation and exchange numbers, boy irks girl's nerves so she stops chatting with him, boy harasses girl.

That's been the story of my life for quite a while... Now I don't normally post personal details on this blog, but today I'll make an exception. This is mainly because I know for certain that I can't possibly be the only one that goes through this. Whether male or female, we've all had to deal with that person that just couldn't seem to take a hint. Unfortunately for me, that person is actually those people. There have been a few men that I've met over the years and while they were nice people, I was not romantically interested in them. So I did what any normal person would do... Put them in the friend zone! Before you begin to judge please note that in no way, shape, or form have I ever led anyone on or purposely caused them to believe that a love connection was a possibility.

Why is it that folks play themselves by automatically assuming that exchanging numbers means that they're about to start dating someone? I've literally had a guy speak to me like I was obligated to spend quality time with him after one phone conversation. I believe a person has the right to feel you out via telephone conversations before either of you waste time or money going on dates. That's fair, right? I must admit, I'm not perfect and I could work on being a bit more blunt with people, but I fear being rude. As opposed to just saying "I just don't like you," I've given excuses in the past. I've either told people that I'm in no position to be dating right now, that I don't have time, or that maybe I'd hit them up if I wanted to hang out. These excuses were totally honest though. I am in no position to be dating someone I don't particularly care for, I work two jobs so spare time is scarce, and I always place emphasis on the word maybe. These days if the excuses don't work I'm just less inclined to respond to text messages and phone calls. Why am I like this and what are the men in question doing wrong?

Only God knows why I'm like this, but some may site the fact that I'm a gemini as a reason for me being wishy washy in my dealings with men. I don't believe my astrological sign has anything to do with it, I simply know what I like and up until recently I hadn't been attracting it. Allow me to list a few of my experiences. I've received multiple text messages at all hours of the night, been turned off by inappropriate comments, and simply been annoyed by another party's lackluster conversation. What did I do in these instances? I didn't respond because if I did, the fool would've thought that texting me at 3am was acceptable, I verbally expressed my disgust, and I ended calls abruptly and ignored the heck out of future ones and text messages. What did the men do? Simple. They kept calling and/or texting. But why?

Some call it persistence, others call it harassment. I call it pure desperation. There's no way I'd continue attempting to contact anyone after multiple failed attempts. Here's a rule of thumb: if you call and/or text someone three times to no avail, they're either dead, super busy, or just not interested in talking to you. My advice would be to stop calling. Give that person the opportunity to show that they're interested in you, if they don't then chances are they aren't.

I am a woman so I can only speak from my experience. I can't give much advice to other women about how to make the right guy interested in you because if I knew, my new crush would probably call me more often. However, I can gear some advice to men because I've dealt with my fair share of ones that I was not eager to get to know. The truth is I don't know any tricks that will ensure a woman's interest, but I do know things that'll definitely prevent it.

Don't constantly call or text a woman unless she is behaving in a similar manner. It makes you seem pressed. Also if you're a man (or woman) that always "chilling" and hanging out who never mentions going to work, chances are another person, if they're anything like me, will not be interested in you. In addition, monitor the type of conversations you have. Any respectable woman won't want to discuss sex with you in the beginning stages of your friendship so if that's what your conversations are typically about, something needs to change. This last bit of advice is universal: just be yourself. If the person you're interested in isn't responding to that then keep it moving. Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be.

That's all I've got for now. Do you have any tips or stories you'd like to share? If so, please feel free to comment below. Also, I'd definitely appreciate if you shared this post with others because excessive phone calls and texts from uninteresting people is a growing epidemic. I'd like you to help me have a part in putting a stop to it.

Thanks for reading,

Alexandria B.

"As long as it sounds good..."

I am a fan of music. R&B is my favorite genre, it always has been and I used to think that this would always be the case, but as of late many R&B artists have taken a new route to please the masses so the quality of music has changed. As opposed to songs about love and life, they've decided to compose stripper anthems and other songs that demean women. Tank, for example, is one of my favorite artists of all time and even he has managed to disappoint me with his latest mixtape. The R&B crooner who is known for hits like "Maybe I Deserve" and "I Can't Make You Love Me" now has a song titled "Money on the Floor" making him no exception to this fad.

To be honest, stripper references in so-called R&B songs is getting pretty old and so is direction giving, "Girl, back it up, drop it low, etc." Since when did women need to be told how to dance and why must songs promise us money? "I got a pocket full of ones" or "I'ma make it rain" are pretty common lines. I can't speak for other women, but I must say that I wouldn't want anyone throwing singles at me nor would I want to pick money up from the floor. Many of these songs lack creativity and rap songs are even worse these days. In fact, it would take me hours to analyze the lyrics of some of the most popular rap songs and I won't even bother watching the videos for them anymore because the concept is almost always the same... Nice cars, scantily clad exotic looking women, and stacks of money. Did I miss anything?



That brings me to another point, thousands of women these days aspire to become actresses or models. Please note that I use the term "actress" loosely as many of them are not thespians and simply desire to be on television. That being said, they'll do pretty much anything for some camera time. Above I've embedded a video for Chris Brown's latest single "Strip" featuring Kevin McCall to help prove my theory. These women were so eager to be in a Chris Brown video that they couldn't unite to say "Hey guys, maybe we should opt not to wear bikinis in a snow scene while the men are wearing sweaters." Granted, it wasn't real snow but still... The idea of women being around to entertain these men is apparent. Not to mention, there were scenes when two or more women were vying for one man's attention in scenes that insinuated sexual acts. Was it really necessary for them to go into closets? But then again with lyrics like "If you ain't freakin', we ain't speaking," I guess I shouldn't have expected much from the video. Let me not to forget to mention, I actually like how this song sounds. One can't deny, it sounds good. The beat is amazing and that infectious "Got d@mn, you sexy" line is catchy. But do I agree with its lyrics? Would I dance to it in public? No.

Stripper songs aren't the only issue and men aren't the only ones contributing to horrible themed music. Nicki Minaj raps about having a squeaky clean vagina and asks for money in the remix to rapper Big Sean's popular song "Dance (A$$)." If the number one female in the industry doesn't demand respect and encourages fans to label themselves as bad bitches, what hope is there? What else does our youth have to listen to if these songs get major airplay? Young women will grow up thinking that their body is their greatest asset and young men will believe that if they don't have tons of money, they're unworthy of a female's attention. Then we will notice a continued influx of women that desire to be video models and/or strippers and men that wish to sell drugs and/or become rappers. It's a vicious cycle and no one wants to take responsibility for it. Artists will cite "just having fun" as a reason for some of their lyrical content and consumers will continue to dance to it and be influenced as long as it sounds good. Artists like YG, Waka Flocka, and Soulja Boy will continue to thrive as long as they can manage to have good beats for their songs.

I've been hesitant to blog about this because I didn't want it to seem like a rant, but I just got tired of the topic festering in my mind. As a person with younger siblings, a lover of music and a woman, I demand more. There are plenty of ways to make promote change. For starters, you could stop buying the albums. You can also call your local radio stations and say something. Request songs of substance, be mindful of what you listen to and don't just require a nice beat. Lyrics matter and the next time you're dancing to a stripper anthem, don't just continue dancing because you know it doesn't apply to you. Those around you may assume different. Please be sure to share your thoughts in a comment below. Do you think the music industry is full of nonsense or am I overreacting?

Thanks for reading,

Alexandria B.

Troy Davis: Are you a bandwagon activist?

Tonight Troy Anthony Davis was declared dead at 11:08 p.m. As expected, many are outraged citing a faulty judicial system as the reason for such injustice. I am one of these people, but I am also a bit perturbed about how and why some elected to protest Davis' execution. Over the past week I have witnessed a significant amount of rallying by thousands of people who believed there was "too much doubt" in Davis' case for him to be executed.

Of those thousands of people, I wonder how many actually researched the case. I wonder how many knew the details of what he was arrested for before sending tweets and signing petitions. I'd estimate that nearly half of the people posting about Davis' pending execution had the slightest clue about all of the components involved. This brings me to the mention of bandwagon activists, individuals that unite for a cause only because they see others doing it; society is filled with plenty of these people.
While his claims of innocence drew worldwide support this week, Davis' case has been ongoing for 22 years. His execution had been stopped three times since 2007. Did we really expect justice to be rendered on a case of this magnitude after 48 hours of Facebook statuses, retweets and blog posts? Are we that naive? Yes, social networking is powerful but this is the Supreme Court we're talking about here, not Beyonce's baby bump.

I wonder how many of us thought about Mark MacPhail. If you aren't aware of who I'm referring to, please include yourself in the above mentioned 50%. Whether you choose to believe it or not, justice has been served for MacPhail and his family tonight for they believed that Davis was guilty. Imagine if it was your relative that was killed, would you be against the accused murderer's execution then?

I truly believe it's important to be informed and consider all sides of a story before taking a stance. If you were one of the people rallying, what were you doing it for? Were you protesting the death penalty or injustice on a Black man? Don't just campaign for a cause that you know nothing about, do some research so that you'll know exactly what you're fighting for. Don't call a man innocent when you really don't know because you were not there.

Please don't get me wrong, I too am saddened by what happened to Troy Davis just hours ago. Do I believe he was innocent? Yes, but I'm not a judge in a court of law. Neither are most of the people that posted tweets and signed petitions. Deep down I wish that the rallying and protests would have produced a much different outcome. There is no question about it, our judicial system is flawed. I wonder how many of us will spend future hours trying to change it.

I honestly can't believe that I'm witnessing this type of history in 2011. It's all very reminiscent of the Jim Crow laws when things were outrageously slanted against the interests of African Americans. How can a case with seven of nine witnesses recanting or disputing all or parts of their testimony repeatedly be denied a new trial? How can a man be indicted and executed with no existing physical evidence? I have tons of questions, but do they really matter at this point? After all, Troy Davis is dead and "justice was served" according to several state and federal judges.

Please feel free to answer any of the questions I posed above, comment below or post links to articles or posts that you think will be interesting for me to see about the topic.

Thanks for reading,

Alexandria B.